The Avengers' Caretaker
by Sammy Heroes
Summary: Any parent will say that raising kids is hard. But dealing with the Avengers every single day, Pepper puts all those parents to shame. (one-shot)


Any parent will say it's not easy to deal with kids. That's true. They deal with lots of different situations every day that has to do with their kids. Pepper puts all those parents to shame. Why? The answer it's very, very simple and it's resumed in a few words: Tony Stark and The Avengers. Now, anyone will say 'Why does she have to take care of them? They are grown-ups!'. Yes. That's true. Except for Tony maybe… A very naughty kid…

She's not exactly their 'mom', but they sometimes behave worse than real kids. For example: Steve will be like the eldest kid, always protective of his siblings and wise, even when he is in charge none of them will listen to him. Thor will be the strongest kid, but a little clumsy thanks to his brute force. Natasha and Clint will be the twins, always vigilant and unpredictable. Bruce will be the quiet and isolated kid with anger issues and double personality. And Tony… the troublemaking and annoying baby brother.

They are adults, yes. But there are times when a woman has to do what a woman has to do. And that's grounding the kids.

"I am very disappointed of all of you. ALL." Pepper started as she looked at the Avengers sitting on the large couch with their heads down. "Do you have any idea what you just did?!"

None of the superheroes answered. They could not blame each other for this. Except for Tony of course.

"IT WAS TONY!" They all signaled him. Tony just sat there with an annoyed face.

"Well, I'm Tony fucking Stark! I do whatever I want and nobody tells ME what to do!" He shouted back at his teammates as he stood up.

"ANTHONY EDWARDS STARK! SIT DOWN!" Pepper ordered.

"Yes, Pepper…" He did has told. If anyone could boss Tony around, it was Pepper.

Pepper just growled in response. She almost never growls but she does, Tony wants to dig a hole in the earth, get himself inside and then seal it with concrete and steel. But maybe that wouldn't be a good plan. Pepper will just tell the Hulk to get him out of there. Since that was out of the question, his only shield towards her was a couch pillow he was currently hugging. "I should have gone with you…" She half whispered, half growled.

"Relax, Peps. We just-"

"Relax? RELAX?! DO YOU –TONY STARK- HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT S.H.I.E.L.D. WILL DO TO ALL OF YOU? THEY'LL HAVE YOUR NECKS! FURY CALLED AND TOLD ME EVERYTHING!"

"Pepper, Pepper, Pepper… They deserved that. And you know it."

"Does causing a black out in midflight sounds good to you? Does making pranks and painting Fury's eye patch into pink sounds good?" Pepper asked dangerously. "Is it funny to destroy their data and dye Coulson's hair in blue!? DOES IT!?"

Tony stayed silent. "Steve's idea…"

"Hey, you drugged me in the first place so I could go with you and agree to all this madness!" Steve defended himself. The rest of the Avengers (except for Tony) agreed with him. The captain was not in his right mind. Right now, he was dealing with a major headache thanks to the drug's side effects.

"Ok, Steve. I knew you had to be innocent." She turned to the Avengers. "Why will you let Tony drug Steve?"

"…We did not noticed." Clint answered.

"…Not even the warrior's strange behavior. We were too distracted." Thor said.

"Tony told us when we were on our way home."

"Why does he get to be innocent?" Tony asked. "Besides, you told that chick agent certain dirty stuff…" He grinned. "She even gave you her number. And it was YOU who painted that jet like the American flag and you were like 'AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!"

Pepper glared at him. Steve just blushed in embarrassment. Bruce just elbowed Tony. Right, the captain was not in his right state of mind. Pepper sighed and continued. "As for all of you, I want to listen to what you have to say. Starting with Clint."

Clint visibly gulped. "Well…" Now he knew why this woman always had Tony's ass in its right place. She was freaking terrifying. "I just did it because Fury owned me two pay checks… That's it."

"You dyed Coulson's hair in blue."

Clint grinned a little. "That was a personal prank."

Pepper nodded annoyed. "And you, Ms. Romanoff? Aside from Steve, I could not believe you were part of all of this. And you are not drugged." Everyone turned to see the dangerous agent.

"I did it just to break Agent Hill's arms. She'll be off-duty for a while." Everyone looked astonished. And scared. "What? She deserved for being such an asshole." Natasha did not even looked guilty. In fact, she looked proud, if you could tell the difference between her emotionless face and an actual emotion. Thor, who was sitting beside her, moved closer to Bruce.

"Thor? Do you have something to say?" Pepper asked.

The god of thunder just looked down and made small circles with his fingers. "It was a good opportunity for battle. The City of York is getting too quiet for me."

Pepper shocked her head. "Bruce?"

The doctor looked uncomfortable being so close to Thor (In other words: squashed by Thor.) "I… um… Tony made me Hulk out. The Hulk will agree to smash anything, you know."

Pepper just sighed. She could not argue with the doctor's good logic. She turned to Tony, who was hugging that couch pillow for dear life. "Tony..." The billionaire genius playboy felt like a useless bag of shit under Pepper's powerful gaze. "Do you care to explain what you just did?"

The rest of the Avengers grinned at Tony's direction. "No?"

"Good. Then I'll explained to you." Pepper to a moment to breath. "You caused a blackout in midflight and many people could have died if it crashed landed!"

"That was just a momentary trick to scare them off!"

"You hacked their computers!"

"I do it all the time, woman!"

"Don't raise your voice against me, young man!"

"Yes, Pepper…" He looked down.

"You painted Fury's eye patch in pink!"

"It was kind of funny. He did deserve it."

"And most importantly, you destroyed their coffee supply!"

Suddenly, Jarvis interfered. _"Not to mention he got kicked in his reproductive system twice because he was lacking the inferior part of the suit, Miss Potts."_

"Sarcastic dick…" Tony mumbled.

"_Sir, I will stop being one when you stop being one towards me. You programmed me to answer like people the people I assist."_ His artificial British voice echoed through the walls.

The room stayed silent. "Damn. Tony just got owned…" Clint commented and everyone started to laugh their butts out.

"Shut up!"

"Yes, Pepper…" The Avengers did as told.

Pepper sighed. "Jarvis? Make sure Tony des not touch his suits for a week."

"_Of course, Miss Potts."_

"What? Pepper! Anything but that! Jarvis! Don't even dare! I'm your dad! I made you with my own hands!"

"Sorry, Tony. But you've been a very naughty boy."

Tony lowered his head in shame. Pepper turned to the rest of the Avengers. "I hope that tonight you think of what you did."

"We blame the man of iron." Thor said.

"I know you blame Tony, but you are responsible for your actions. You could just stayed behind. Well, Steve and Bruce had no option." Pepper said. "You may go and think of what you did. And Tony? You are sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Damn."


End file.
